It’s now well into fall and that means that it’s a great time to go out on adventures. We went on the lift at Solitude which was lots of fun, and I went up with EV to enjoy the canyon. It also means so much football. Curtis loves tackle football, but it takes up a ton of time. Peter continues to do flag football, so most Saturdays are spent at games.

I’ve been a bit introspective lately, and here are some of my thoughts:

I’ve long felt that one of my greatest challenges is feeling inadequate. I have a terrible habit of setting high expectations for myself, and constantly not quite meeting them. This leads to a feeling of need to try harder because I’m a failure and not being good enough. Lately, I’ve realized that I want to step away from trying to live a big, super successful life. Trying to reach a big goal simply leads to a nagging feeling that I’ve never good enough.

I’m not saying that I want a life that is easy and devoid of challenges: I enjoy having goals to strive for and improving my life. But when I try too hard, it leads to feelings of depression and I often stop trying altogether. I want a life that is simply sufficient: the effort I put in is good enough.

I think it’s good to do what you want instead of what you are supposed to do. It does require a lot of introspection: and also looking beyond right now. Because my choices now affect me in the future. I want to choose things that bring me a happy life, not just a moment of pleasure.

I have a habit of comparing my life to others in a way that leads me to feel unsatisfied with what I have. When people do more than me, it doesn’t mean I also need to do more and I’m not doing enough. When people do less than me, it does not mean I’m better than them. We are all different, and I should instead focus on doing what works for me and trying my best to help others.

I’m sometimes grumpy for no reason, and I think it’s simply that I forget to be grateful. I live a life of privilege, I have many blessings. I have five children, a loving husband, a comfortable home, and many talents and opportunities to use them. I might not be rich or famous, and I’m often super stressed and busy. But that’s okay. I’m blessed to stay home with my children and have so many people around me who love me.

I feel like life is always hard. Challenging. That’s a good thing. If I had everything figured out, what would be the point? The constant change in life means I’m always scrambling a bit. Never fully on top of things. However, I can use the lessons I’ve learned in the past and use consistent effort to not feel overwhelmed.