I was watching a video and a person similar in age to me mentioned that she thought she would be on her fourth kid by now. Not single with a career. And then she went on to reminisce how maybe there was someone with a fourth kid who felt like they wanted to be where she was. There I was, feeding my fifth child, and thinking about how I wished I had more time to work on my career.

I’ve been guilty of not appreciating my life. I feel like maybe the life I have didn’t match the life I would need to have to truly excel. I’ve wanted to have more success in my career, more financial stability, and more opportunities for adventure.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be successful. I think it’s easy to get caught up in a narrative that to be successful is to have more: more money, money followers, more influence, and more opportunity. But maybe success is more about having enough: enough money, enough love, and enough opportunity.

I looked at the decisions I’ve made in life and seriously looked at other paths I could have taken. None were perfect, and all had both good things and hard things. The path I did take has led me to a life with lots of love, opportunities for creative work, and the ability to grow into a better person. It has suited me, not that I was already suited for my life, but in a way that my life has pushed me in ways where I needed to grow.

I’m glad that I’m a busy mom with five children, a role that takes up almost the entirety of my time and energy. It’s far better to live and appreciate the life I have, than to pine for a life I think I want, but perhaps is a fantasy that will never be as glamorous as it seems.