There is something wonderful about late fall. The leaves are pretty much gone from the canyon, so I don’t feel the urging push to go hiking before I miss the peak of fall color. It’s gone, I’ve already missed it. But there are still good weather days for hikes, still things that are beautiful.

Sometimes I want life to just be beautiful and wonderful, but it’s not. It’s more like this.

And that’s okay. It’s like the fall leaves are past. Perfection is gone. But that just gives me a life devoid of pressure. More freedom to live, instead of trying to live up to an unrealistic perfection. And with five children, days are more chaotic than peaceful. Sometimes I get to spend days in the ER instead of what I planned on. And there are these never-ending tasks like laundry, finding clothes that fit, taking kids to places, feeding people, and tidying up. I do not have much time to do many of the things I want to do.

I’ve realized that I need to let go of some things. I want to serve other people, but I don’t want to be in servitude. Servitude is when I feel like I have to do things. Service is when I choose to help people because I love them and I have talents that can help others. To me, cleaning up the house nonstop is servitude. Having a set time when everyone helps clean up is much better. It means the house overall might be more messy, but that’s okay.

We are finishing up some fall activities. Football is ended. Curtis had a great rookie season as a lineman and kicker. Peter did flag football, mostly as a wide receiver. We had Halloween. I love the classic neighborhood trick-or-treating and it’s so sad to see so few people going out and doing it. (I left apples on the front porch, and some kids didn’t come to our place because it looked like we were giving out apples instead of candy.) It’s nice to give a brief hello to my neighbors.