Some weeks are hard. My husband’s mom died after a long battle with cancer. Although she had been sick for a long time, her actual death felt rather sudden.

During her funeral, we were able to see a lot of family we hadn’t seen for a long time. It was a long day though, and on the way home all but two of us slept.

She always remembered birthdays. I will miss her handmade crocheted presents and Christmas pajamas. She was kind and patient and did a wonderful job raising nine children.

What have we been up to lately? We went to the aquarium and saw Santa. Joe took the boys who wanted to go to a Salt Lake Stars game. We went to the Leonardo. Not pictured is a trip to Temple Square to see my sister sing in a choir, visiting our cousin’s house, and sledding. We also did a double Thanksgiving this year. We were at our house with the Walker family and then went to Joe’s brother’s house a couple hours later for the Braithwaite Thanksgiving. Too much turkey, but honestly not enough pie.

Here’s what I’m learning about doing lots of fun things with the kids.

• You have to plan ahead. Good intentions do not translate into doing things. Planning does.
• Not everyone needs to go to everything. Splitting people up actually gives a lot of opportunities to have one-on-one or alone time as needed. And not everyone likes everything.
• Sometimes it is good to force people to go. My oldest did not want to go to the Leonardo but enjoyed it. If you force people to go to things they don’t enjoy though, it just makes things less enjoyable.
• You often don’t want to go, but rarely regret going.
• It’s better to plan how often you want to go do things and find activities to fill that, than trying to go to an unlimited amount of activities. Ideally, I like doing one thing during the week in the afternoon/evening with the kids, and one thing on Saturday. Anything more than that is too much.
• You still need downtime at home. Everyone does.

From a family who struggles to take family pictures.

Evie slept horribly one night. We couldn’t figure it out. She wasn’t stuffy and didn’t seem sick. We tried giving her a drink, and Tylenol, tucking her in, and changing her diaper. Nothing really worked. In the morning she still seemed bothered, She was pulling at her diaper area a bit, so I went to change her. And there was a spoon in her pajamas. A big metal spoon that had been bothering her all night long. I have no idea how the spoon got in her pajamas (either she did it, or one of her older brothers). She was so much happier without a spoon down her shirt.

Henry had a great time performing in Seussical. It was fun to watch him. He loves to sing and had a great time doing the play.

Joe and I went on a hike up to a local waterfall. We ditched the kids. It’s easier to hike four miles without children than one with children, especially if they don’t want to be there. And it gave us a lot of time to talk about how we want to raise our children, our religion, and the things that are important to us.

We went to a cool park and played outside in the leaves with the littles. My older kids aren’t into parks that much, and I will be super sad when I don’t have kids to take to the park anymore. It’s one of my favorite things to do.

And some random pictures. Starting to watch basketball games again, playing, and science fair project. The science fair project did not win any awards, but was still a fun project. It started as a question of what building methods work best for natural disaster (a great questions), and turned into destroying birdhouses with hammers.

There is something wonderful about late fall. The leaves are pretty much gone from the canyon, so I don’t feel the urging push to go hiking before I miss the peak of fall color. It’s gone, I’ve already missed it. But there are still good weather days for hikes, still things that are beautiful.

Sometimes I want life to just be beautiful and wonderful, but it’s not. It’s more like this.

And that’s okay. It’s like the fall leaves are past. Perfection is gone. But that just gives me a life devoid of pressure. More freedom to live, instead of trying to live up to an unrealistic perfection. And with five children, days are more chaotic than peaceful. Sometimes I get to spend days in the ER instead of what I planned on. And there are these never-ending tasks like laundry, finding clothes that fit, taking kids to places, feeding people, and tidying up. I do not have much time to do many of the things I want to do.

I’ve realized that I need to let go of some things. I want to serve other people, but I don’t want to be in servitude. Servitude is when I feel like I have to do things. Service is when I choose to help people because I love them and I have talents that can help others. To me, cleaning up the house nonstop is servitude. Having a set time when everyone helps clean up is much better. It means the house overall might be more messy, but that’s okay.

We are finishing up some fall activities. Football is ended. Curtis had a great rookie season as a lineman and kicker. Peter did flag football, mostly as a wide receiver. We had Halloween. I love the classic neighborhood trick-or-treating and it’s so sad to see so few people going out and doing it. (I left apples on the front porch, and some kids didn’t come to our place because it looked like we were giving out apples instead of candy.) It’s nice to give a brief hello to my neighbors.

Fall Break. We drove up to Lava Hot Springs and soaked for a bit. Then went to Soda Springs to try out natural soda water and see the fountain. (It’s worth the stop if you are driving through.) On to Jackson for swimming at the hotel. And then drove through Teton and Yellowstone. Stopped by Jenny Lake, Old Faithful, and other turn-offs. I wanted to see bison, and we found a few. I also wanted to try something new, and we hiked out to Mystic Falls. It was a nice hike with a great waterfall at the end. We stayed at West Yellowstone, and then drove home and stopped by Bear World and Grandma’s house.

Good vacation. It was actually rather relaxing: we didn’t try to see everything, just enjoy ourselves.

You are allowed to live life less than perfectly.

When one child throws up on the way to a hike, another falls in the water, and you plan to take family pictures, it’s okay to laugh and cancel the family pictures. The hike was still beautiful.

When both of your small children are grumpy, it’s okay to put them both in the beds and take the time to nap yourself.

It’s okay to not get chores done well, to have a house that looks lived in and is not ready for a photo shoot. A clean house is an impossible goal, but cleaning up occasionally and following a basic chore schedule at least means it’s not all that bad.

It’s okay to spend 10 years writing a book that might not ever get done. It’s okay to finish a project months after you thought you would. You are still creating things and helping people.

If you want to go have a picnic up the canyon instead of finishing the house projects that you planned on getting done, go for it. The house projects will still be there, but watching a toddler walking through the fall leaves is fleeting.

When you have a great idea of something to do with the children and they all whine at you and it never happens, maybe it never needed to happen. If we miss out on opportunities now, there are always new opportunities in the future.

It has been a long time since my husband and I took a trip together. The baby wasn’t a baby as much anymore, so we finally got the time to go out on an adventure. We went down to an area of Utah I haven’t visited much. The biggest activity was hiking to Lower Calf Creek Fall, and we also went to the Escalante Natural Bridge after.

There’s a swimming hole at the base of the falls, and I thought it would be fun to get in. Even if it was October. We dunked in, and it was a little cold, but a lot of fun.

My husband and I were talking a lot about who we are. And we are very different, often flawed people. But as we talked, we committed to acceptance. Even though we are different, we can accept each other for who we are, completely. That’s part of loving someone with all your heart: you don’t want to change them. I do want improvement: but that’s different. That’s making who you are better, not changing who you are.

Zack started preschool. He was nervous for one day and now runs inside as fast as he can. (He likes to run and be faster than everyone.)

That means we are now into a more stable routine. Except for it’s crazy, taking all the kids to their various activities. Curtis loves tackle football. He plays nearly the full game. Henry’s in a play, Peter is doing flag football. There is a lot of driving and watching.

I have found time to go hiking. I went with a group of moms, and then took the primary boys out. I love to hike. I’ve also been working on landscaping projects out in the yard. I love it, and have to usually force myself to stop earlier than I want. The weather is so nice, it’s been a wonderful time to spend a lot of time outside.