Yesterday, I was in the check-out line at the grocery store. The lady a couple people behind me had an older toddler that was screaming. When I put my groceries in the car, she was actually parked next to me and came out, still with a screaming toddler in tow. We had a short conversation.

Mom of toddler: “I’m sorry about him.”

Me: “My kids do it to. It’s hard.” (And in fact the only reason they were currently behaving is they were given candy.)

The whole experience got me thinking. I have been on the other side with a kid who is making this gigantic scene while I am surrounded by strangers. I have tried to be the best mom I can be and sometimes all the kids do is complain and throw ginormous fits in the worst possible places, or not listen and call me names. It’s embarrassing, disappointing, and even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. For me, children have brought out a new intensity of anger, frustration and sadness than I even dealt with as a teenager. Sometimes, being a mom just sucks.

And I realized that it’s normal. No one thinks you are a bad mom (and if they do they aren’t right). Being a mom is super hard and there often isn’t anything different you can do that you aren’t already doing. Children are just sometimes a pain, because they haven’t grown up. Yet we have to develop expectations and limits because we do love them. And that can lead to demoralizing situations, as our kids call us poopy yet again, fail to listen, or scream for almost an hour.

I drove home. Mr. C had been whining all day. He continued. But I was able to deal with it because I had realized that it wasn’t my fault, and it is just hard sometimes to raise children.

Sometimes moms don’t need advice on how to deal with kids, but simply a reminder that kids are hard to deal with. And we love them anyway. It is super awesome to see a person grow up, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The good sweet moments do come along with the hard ones.

Anyway, I am grateful to that mom with a screaming toddler. She helped me be more able to deal with my own rambunctious kids, and remember why I am doing what I’m doing.

Our life has been somewhat exciting, although The Fox played far too often in our home last week. All of us can sing it now (minus Mr.C who doesn’t sing). We had a busy weekend, with both Joe and I going to workshops and traveling down to my parents on Sunday. All of my siblings and their families were together for the first time in two years. That was fun.

I had a thought while we were doing an activity at the workshop I went to. (The workshop was on permaculture, and what follow is mostly unrelated.) I started doing it and noticed a huge change in the way I thought about everything. Basically, I decided to stop passing judgement, but simply observe. Even if I do decide something, I assign it to myself. So I see someone. I can think, She is fat and ugly.  This would be judging, and not a very nice one at that. Instead I could think She is a larger person and I don’t like the way it looks. Not a big shift, but it no longer blames other people or things for my own opinions. I can even do it with myself from, I am a horrible person for yelling at my kids, to I yelled at my kids. It made both my kids and me sad.  Which one is actually going to help me stop?

It certainly isn’t limited to bad judgement either. How many time do I look at something good or beautiful and instead of rejoicing in it, become a bit envious? Her house is beautiful…..often leads to thinking that my house isn’t. But Her house was clean and she had artwork up that I liked is not only hard to lead to envious thinking but is a far better compliment. I’ve heard similar opinions on complimenting our children. I don’t say they are smart or beautiful or that craft looks nice. I say they tried hard, they are clean, and that picture has a lot of purple on it.   Just something to think about, and for me, something to work on.

Reaching up tall

Shining bright

Full of their own beauty

In their prime

Drooping

No longer beautiful

Straining under the weight

But here is where

The important work begins

For if a plant only flowered

It would be quite lovely

But eventually fade

And be forgotten

But if a plant not only flowers

But produces seed

It fades and dies

But

The seed continues

Next year, forever

Never forgotten

I gave my old camera to my children. It is always fun to upload the photos and see what they saw. Here is some from their play outside with a sprinkler:

The perspective they see is different from my own, and it is good to think of what it means to be short, young, and not have so many expectations.

 

I am recommending a book. It is awesome. I have changed what I am striving for as a parent, and I believe I am now closer to how God would want me to interact with my kids. And I’m not a perfect mom…but I do feel like I know more options when it gets rough.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, by Laura Markham

The author also has an awesome website and newsletter, here.

Sometimes I plan too much, my expectations are focused on tasks, productivity, predictability.

I have days where nothing goes according to plan. Sometimes they are bad days where everyone is very grumpy. But other times they are wonderful where instead of napping, we play with play-dough; instead of TV, we fly a kite. My to-do list might not get shortened, but what I really want to do, I do more of: play with and comfort my children, spend time just talking with my husband, and garden or read a good book.

Sometimes I look froward to nap time, where I can do a whole lot by myself. But it is better when I look forward to when the kids wake up, when my husband walks in the door, when I get to spend time with the people I love not really doing anything.

Growing up I have always been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Getting older though, I have recently taken a harder look about what the church has brought me in my life. This is my list:

Priesthood Ordinances

I have made covenants with God. As I strive my best in keeping the commandments and coming unto Christ, I have the promise of an Eternal Marriage and Family, and Eternal Life. Because of the priesthood, I have the assurance that what is “bound on earth shall be bound in heaven.”

Knowledge

I know the Plan of Salvation. I have not only the Bible but the Book of Mormon and the words of living prophets to study. I also gain personal guidance so that I can perform God’s will in my life.

Strength and Guidance

I would not be where I am without the enabling and redeeming power of the Holy Spirit. My life has been strengthened by God, and I love the course where He has led me, the blessings He has poured upon me.

I am a Mormon, because this is the most complete and true church and the right place for me. Most of all, I have come to a knowledge of Christ as my Redeemer. Through Him, I am able to live in a beautiful family and have assurance that I can be with them eternally.