I recently began a daily mediation practice. I’m not too great at it yet: sometimes it is less than 10 minutes a day and often full of distracted thinking. Today I was thinking of the challenges that await me this week. I was thinking of a specific instance that has the potential to be intimidating and nerve-wracking. I haven’t been worried at all about it though, and during meditation I realized that I can choose what I feel about it. I can choose to be confident and not worry, and I could also choose to get nervous and stressed. I had been choosing to not worry, and it is a choice I can continue.

How often do we just let our feelings happen to us, instead of actively choosing them? Later today I was starting to feel a little stressed, and I thought, “I can choose not to be stressed.” And I wasn’t. It is only when we think we are victim to our emotions and feel we have no choice that they overtake us. I am learning that I do have complete control over my thoughts, and in turn my emotions. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to overcome bad habits, but it is possible. We always have the choice to be happy, to be sad, to be angry, to be stressed, to be calm. Emotions aren’t something that happen to us, they are choices we make from our thoughts.

It is hard to escape the onslaught of propaganda for and against gay marriages. It is unavoidable to form opinions, and often unavoidable to have to defend such opinions.

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and they have been outspoken against the practice of gay marriages. Not all within in the church support this opinion: many question why they church is outspoken against gay marriage. I have reflected on this topic. What I ultimately decided is that marriage isn’t ultimately about love between two people and a way to express that love. Marriage is not about a couple. Procreation, or sexual relations, is not about a couple. It never has been. Marriage is about children. Marriage is designed to protect the creation, nurture and raising of children. It is designed to ensure that children can be born in an atmosphere of love and safety. Children are not dependent on one person, one sex, or one set of viewpoints, but instead of the joy of being raised by a loving partnership.

The traditional view of a family should be fought for. Sexual relations should only happen in the stable environment of marriage, as its purpose is to create new life, to bring children into this world. And marriage is designed to ensure that these children have the best chance to be raised in a good atmosphere. The church not only stands against gay marriage: it stands against all forms of sexual relationship outside of marriage. It speaks out against having children outside of marriage, whether in a partnership or without.

The ideal doesn’t always happen: death, divorce, infertility, abuse and more can ruin the ideal of a family. But it doesn’t mean that we should give up on the ideal. I am living the ideal: I am in a stable marriage with children. I grew up with a mom and a dad who loved each other. I am blessed because of it: my childhood was rich and full, and I certainly would do a much poorer job of raising my children by myself. And I am so grateful that are people who were willing to strive for that ideal family life, even when it doesn’t always happen. Without trying and fighting it won’t happen at all…and even if we don’t quite get there, we are better off from striving for the ideal.

I do not support gay marriage because of children. Marriage isn’t all about love, it is about protecting the interests of our children. And a gay marriage simply does not allow children the benefit of both genders, and is as yet: “a social experiment, and like most experiments it will take time to understand its consequences.” (quoted from here, see below)

For better articles on this subject:
Gay Parents and the Marriage Debate by Ross Douthat
Protect the Children by Dallin H. Oaks
No Other Gods by Dallin H. Oaks

So after spending 16 years in my life at school, I am no longer forced into learning. All the opportunities I get for continued education come from my own initiative. I think it would be easy to just stop learning, but I love to get more knowledge. Since I’ve graduated from school, I’ve actual found that my learning had been more valuable and useful to me than many of the things I learned and since forgotten when I was in school. Here’s some of the ways I like to learn.

Books
I like to read, although for a long time I wasn’t necessarily into non fiction. But if I do pick a book that I am very interested in and is well written, I’ll make it through. Sometimes if it is a longer or less compelling book, I’ll make sure I actually own a copy and just keep returning to it. Eventually it gets read.

Audio/Video
Sometimes reading take too much effort. Listening to podcasts, audio books, watching documentaries, or online video often makes learning about things more simpler. I started to want to learn about Permaculture, but found I just couldn’t get through books at first. Instead I started to watch an online videos series while I exercised in the morning and soon found I was much more engaged.

Online Classes
There are plenty of free or paid online courses. Classes are often more structured and interactive. Paid classes have the added benefit of monetary motivation. In the few I’ve done I got much more out of it, because I paid for it. There is a lot out there though, so research a class and look for reviews before you actually pay for a class.

Online Feeds
Blogs, Facebook pages or groups, magazines, forums,  email lists, youtube channel, all provide an opportunity for casual learning without taking to much time. I will subscribe to things I’m interested in and its easy to just take the time I have to read or watch a bit.

Community Classes or Clubs
I like to keep my eye open at the library and other places for community education classes. Often they are free and are a great place to not only learn, but to meet people in the community with shared interest.

Finding Time
I find that as long as I am choosing things that are actually interesting and useful, motivation isn’t a problem. Sometimes finding time is. I do a lot of multitasking: reading during a meal, listening to something while I’m doing chores. It isn’t too hard to give away some leisure time, or participate in studying something with a group, friend or spouse. I like to set aside a bit of time either daily or weekly to just focus on studying and learning something new. A half hour at a time can quickly add up to finished books and classes.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Sometimes I fell tired and discouraged. I have a lot to do caring for two boys, including home school; growing a new baby, and caring for the house and yard. Plus there are many projects that I want to get done. I’m just glad I still get a nap everyday.

I started on an impromptu Family Home Evening lesson. I read a story about having a good attitude during hard times. Then we went and did an object lesson. I gave the kids some lemon water and asked if they liked it. They didn’t. Then we added some sugar until they did. One glass missed the lemon and just had sugar. Plain lemon water and sugar water isn’t that great. The best drink was when they were combined.

In my object lesson, lemon was life experiences. Sugar was Christ or the gospel. I started thinking about how overwhelmed I’d been feeling. I had a lot of lemon. My life experiences aren’t necessarily good or bad, they just happen. Lemon can be good when you expect and want it, or if it is unexpected it is extremely sour and not desirable.

Having too much lemon isn’t a bad thing: as long as I have enough sugar to go with it. My sugar is enough time to reflect, relax, study the gospel, grounding in priorities, good attitudes, love for who I interact with and what I do, and a strong foundation in Christ.

When I have lots of lemons and lots of sugar, life is good and happy. I need both.

I think the majority of people deal with some type of mental health issue. I still hate that I do, but I have found I am simply not as good a person as I want to be. Most of my problems came or at least intensified with having children. I’ve struggled mostly with depression and anger.

It’s hard for me to get the right help when I am going through a hard time. Part of it is I don’t want to admit that I do have a problem, and also I’m not usually thinking straight. But over the years I’ve dealt with a less than perfect brain, I’ve tried a lot of different options. Here’s what I’ve thought of them.

Medication: Helped a little, but I felt it wasn’t resolving what was really bothering me. I didn’t use it very long.

Self-help: I simply did not have the tools to helps myself, hence why I was having problems in the first place.

Support: It was definitely easier when I was connecting with people around me on a regular basis. And if my husband weren’t wonderful, I would have been so much worse off.

Therapy: Therapy is great, it is wonderful to be able to talk to someone who is also trained to help. But I didn’t love it. I never felt very comfortable completely opening up, and I’m not big on talking to someone I don’t really know.

Staying busy: When I am engaged in meaningful activities that I like to do, I’m far less likely to fall into bad habits. Tends to be more preventative than curative.

Books/reading: I like reading and some of what I read helped, but many books I looked at failed to get at the heart of what I was experiencing or offer suggestions that worked.

Religion: Relying on Christ is the only way I made it through everything. I loved the addiction recovery program offered by my church, and I think many mental health issues function as addictions.

Hypnosis: This has been my latest find, and one that I enjoy a lot. Hypnosis always sounds a little hokey, but it doesn’t have to be. I use the downloads offered here, and it has been the first option that I felt was not only addressing my issues, but giving me the proper tools to get over them.

Ultimately overcoming poor mental health is learning how to retrain my brain. And I’ve discovered that it is very possible, and I am not stuck always being a depressed or angry person, but I can change and be better. Just sometimes it takes more than just my will power to get over things.

Have you ever watched an add or video that shows random acts of service, or people being nice to you? I have. Sometimes I feel like I don’t do anything all that great, I tend to be so focused on myself and the tasks that I need to do that I seldom see what I can do for others. One of my resolutions of this year was this:

I resolve to observe more
I will strive to listen and look at those around me and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I will not let my thoughts and judgement crowd out truth. I will look out for the interests of others, not my own selfish desires. I will place judgement on myself instead of others, and strive to eliminate those that are unnecessary including comparisons. I will spend less time trying to fill my mind and more time in stillness.

I have had three experiences in the past little while that I was able to get out of my own little world and help someone else in small ways.

We were at a picnic area at Yellowstone. There were multiple picnic tables, but all but two had recently been painted. We were lucky enough to get a picnic table that didn’t have wet paint, and were enjoying out meal when a large family group pulled up. They saw the painted tables and were standing around wondering what to do. I told them that we were almost done and they were welcome to our table in just a few minutes. We then quickly cleaned up and finished our lunch to allow them to use the table. We would have stayed there a lot longer if I hadn’t cared or noticed.

I was at a waterpark, just getting changed back into my clothes and ready to head out. I overheard a conversation where the Dad in the family had forgotten his swimsuit, and they were wondering what to do. I butted in and said I had an extra swimsuit. (My husband has two swimsuits, one of which usually sits in the swim bag unworn.) I gave the man the swimsuit (hoped it fit), and never saw him again.

While at the fruit stand buying some fruit, I was just about to pull away, when an older lady started to walk up to me. I noticed, and rolled down my window to see why. She asked for a ride up the rode a ways, which I gladly gave her.

Noticing people that need help is the first step. Sometimes I notice and don’t end up helping for I feel I have nothing to give or I am concerned about safety. I don’t regret those times. Other times I’ve not helped because of my own worries or feelings of entitlement and selfishness. One of my biggest regrets in life is not helping a couple more when I had the chance, and when I did help a bit I did so reluctantly. At the time, I justified it because I didn’t have a lot and was worried so much about my own well being, and I felt they could take care of themselves. But I could have easily given a little more and I missed an opportunity to help that I do not think I will ever forget.

I am grateful for the experiences God has give me to serve, and I’m finding as I pray for them and try to look beyond myself, there are abundant times that I can do just small things.

Yesterday I had the awesome expereince of going with all my siblings to the Temple. While there, I was thinking about the work we were doing and why we were doing it. To tell you the truth, proxy work hasn’t made a lot of sense to me–but I had come across this quote early and was pondering it. 

The turning of the hearts of fathers to children and of children to fathers, is the power of salvation for the dead, by means of the vicarious work which the children may perform for their fathers, and is in every sense reasonable and consistent. I have heard it said many times by those who oppose this work that it is impossible for one person to stand vicariously for another. Those who express themselves in this way overlook the fact that the entire work of salvation is a vicarious work, Jesus Christ standing as the propitiator, redeeming us from death, for which we were not responsible, and also redeeming us from the responsibility of our own sins, on condition of our repentance and acceptance of the gospel. He has done this on a grand infinite scale and by the same principle he has delegated authority to the members of his Church to act for the dead who are helpless to perform the saving ordinances for themselves (From Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith pg 222, available here).

While pondering I realized that I was able to have the experience of performing the temple work for someone that is dead, and they are then able to share in that experience. Even if they didn’t have the opportunity in this life to get baptized, to be sealed in the temple, or other work, I could have the experience over and over, and they can then share in mine. I felt blessed and privileged to perform the work. 

It made me think of the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12

12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one member, but many.
15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.

Each of us has a unique experience, and somehow we can all share in each other’s experience. Only one man was ever perfect, only one man ever needed to be. Because we can now share in Christ’s perfection. The work of God is not just the salvation of one man, but it is the salvation of the entire mankind. 

I even thought that it made sense that only a small portion of people get to know of the true gospel in this life. There are many ways of evil, but only one way of righteousness.

Matthew 7: 3 ¶Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

But the wonderful blessing is that all of us can still choose our own path and where we want to end up, no matter our trials and circumstances. 

Sometimes I get discouraged with being a stay at home mom. The only person I am really accountable for what I do is myself…and God and my husband and children, but they tend to be more forgiving. I’m not very gentle or forgiving with myself, and sometimes I hold myself so accountable I spend the whole day beating myself down for not being perfect. Sometimes, I am a much worse mother than I ever thought I’d be. Motherhood brought more stress, lack of sleep and responsibility then I have ever dealt with before in my life, and it also brought coping/reactive mechanisms that are less than desirable.

Sometimes I am super happy I’m a stay at home. I get to choose what I do with more freedom than I ever have in my life. I can read books, go hiking, and garden and I get to share what I love with two very moldable people. I have more opportunities to go after what I love doing, improve myself, and serve other people. I have developed new interests, found friends, and most of all I get to be loved and love others more deeply than ever. I get to engage in a work that I know is meaningful every day, by nurturing and raising children.

Just a matter of perspective. I read in an article that a stay at home mother desired a child inclusive life, instead of a child centered one. If I constantly focus on my children, and our inadequacies, life isn’t grand. But if I’m focusing on a variety of interests, and I’m including my children in them, that’s when life is most beautiful. A good life is sitting outside and reading a new book while occasionally helping children move tires or acknowledging their latest sand building. It is going on a tiny hike and playing bear hunt on the way back down. 

I can choose to focus on what I’m supposed to be doing, on making life productive and perfect…or I can find playfulness and happiness in engaging in what my children and I love to do.

I grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as Mormons. My family has been members for generations, since the church was established in the mid 1800s. I liked church growing up, I believed in what I was taught.

When I got to be an adult, I started to ask myself questions. Why was I a member of this church? I’ve never been dissatisfied with my faith: I wasn’t asking myself to solve a spiritual dilemma. But I did want to know why generations before me joined and stayed active in the church, and define why I also wanted to stay.

My church, like all Christian churches, centers on Jesus Christ. I have known my Savior, and feel my testimony of Him is strengthened by the teachings of my church. But I also believe I could have still gained a testimony of Him through any number of good Christian faiths.

While studying, I found a theological answer of why I should stay in this church and not another. The first answer is priesthood, and the second is Eternal Family.

1)Priesthood: My father and my husband have priesthood lineage lines that traces their priesthood ordination back to Jesus Christ. Most lines go back through fathers and grandpas and then meet up with Joseph Smith, who was ordained to the priesthood by Peter, James and John, who were ordained by Christ. In other words, the priesthood is authority and power that can be traced directly to Christ. We are Christ’s church, and we act under the direction of Him, directly through priesthood power received by Him.

2)Eternal Family: When I married my husband, the officiator did not say until death do you part. He married me for eternity. I have assurance that my family will be a family even after we die. This comes not from a desire for it to happen, but an assurance that through the priesthood we are bound together in the Lord’s way.

Ultimately, the real reason I go to church thought, is I believe it is where the Lord wants me. Every other reason is secondary to that. The church has brought me blessings, the greatest of which is a personal relationship with God and Christ. I want to continue that relationship, and so I remain where I believe He wants me to go.