Matthew 23:23 says, “You have neglected the weightier matters such as justice, mercy, faith, and the love of God.”

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in everything there is to do: clean the house, take kids to places, get work done. But these are not usually the “weightier matters” in our lives, the things that really matter.

One thing that really matters is to feel the love of God in our lives and make time for this regularly. I think everyone experiences this differently: through service, worship, or meditation. My favorite way to experience the love of God is by spending time in nature, preferably with people I love.

My sister and I went out to Saratoga Hot Springs and it was the perfect addition to a busy week. It wasn’t a fluffy, fun add-on, it was the “weightier matter” that truly makes life worth living.

The new year is a time when we focus on goals, resolutions, and other ways to improve our lives. We did an activity at church creating vision boards, and I sat next to someone who was there for the company and didn’t make anything. I asked her if she had any system for goals and such, and she said no. But we also talked about her life, and it was rich: full of travel, family, valuable hobbies, and looking forward to early retirement and service opportunities.

Sometimes life isn’t so much about always trying to be better, but appreciating the life we have right now. I can set goals and make vision boards, but none of them are really that important. What is important is the moment-by-moment decisions I make that propel me forward in my future. Life is about living.

I wrote this for myself, but wanted to share if you are interested in topics like this.

When I engage in my religion, God is presented as my Father. The priesthood that leads the church is run by men. The scriptures are full of stores of men, and even the core of my religion, Jesus Christ, is male. I have a patriarchal religion. And as a women, I sometimes wonder where I fit.

In Genesis 1:27, it reads “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” From the very beginning, God is presented as both male and female. Where is the female in my religion?

In the scriptures, female appears in several ways. They are present as mothers, such as Mary the mother of Jesus. Virtues are inscribed female pronouns. The church is often referred to as female: a bride for the bridegroom who is Jesus Christ. Several times women are given direct instruction and mentioned.

Mothers

• Mary (Luke 1:27-55)
• Hannah (1 Samuel 1-2:11)
• Elisabeth (Luke 1)
• Sariah (1 Nephi 5: 1-9)
• Eve (Gen 2:21-25, Moses 4-5)
• Sarah (Gen 18:9-15)

Virtues

• Proverbs 1:20–33, Proverbs 8-9
• 1 Corinthians 13

Christ and His Church

• Matthew 25:1-13
• Revelations 21-22
• Ephesians 5:22-33

Reference to Women

• Proverbs 31:10-31
• D&C 25
• Women Prophetess
  • Miriam (Exodus 15:20)
  • Deborah (Judges 4:4)
  • Huldah (2 Kings 22:14; 2 Chron 34:22)
  • Noadiah (Neh 6:14)
  • “The prophetess” (Isaiah 8:3)
  • Anna (Luke 2:28, Acts 1:14; 2:17).

Prominence

There are other scriptures that help clarify the importance of women. Jesus teaches how he that serves is greater than he that leads, and the last will be first. (Luke 9: 46-48, Matthew 18:1-5, Mark 9: 33-37.) In the eternal scheme of things, outward prominence matters far less than humble service. Jesus talks of serving, of feeding the hungry, caring for those that mourn, and more. (Matthew 5: 34-40) I cling to this when I find myself, in my role as a women, having less opportunities, and having to sacrifice to take care of children, home, and other responsibilities. My role as a nurturer, female, women, means that my outward prominence is less, yet Jesus discuss how the humble service I give can be more desirable than prominence.

The Lord does not see power and authority as the ultimate aim. Sometimes it seems women are missing out because they do not have as many opportunities for leadership, especially if they prioritize their families. But leadership is less important than other more important aims. God desires us to care for others, and he looks at our heart (1 Samuel 16:7, Romans 2:11-1) not our prominence.

Complimentary Roles

To look at the roles of male and female, looking at the family gives the first blueprint. Men and women and fathers and mothers. Fathers provide, and are built for work and protection. Mothers provide the nurturing of children, as they can bear and nurse children. They are both needed to create children, and they function together, as equals, where one is not needed any less than the other. (1 Cor 11:11)

The church and Christ also perform complimentary roles. The church prepares, nurtures, and provides what is necessary to come unto Christ and stay in His fold (Mosiah 18:17, 26:21-22). Christ sanctifies and redeems us, acting as our mediator (Alma 11:40, 2 Nephi 2:27-28, Hebrews 10:9-10, Isaiah 60:16).

Matriarchy

So what is a matriarchal religion? It is not simply coping a patriarchal religion with women at the head instead of men. Just as motherhood is different than fatherhood, priestesshood is different that’s preisthood.

Patriarchal spirituality is focused on scriptures, public prayer, priesthood ordinances, preaching, proselytizing, and leadership. It is organized religion.

But a matriarchal spirituality is different, and broader, a way to nurture every individual in their own way. It includes caring for others, the care our world provides for us, beauty, and meditation. Most of these things are internally experienced. The focus of matriarchal spirituality is not to gain knowledge through written words, external instruction, but by listening and connecting with your heart. It’s feelings not words.

Both are needed. We need a loving Heavenly Father to pray to, to have the structure of ordinances and commandments. We need the mercy of a Savior. And we need the nurturing arm of Mother to care for us: through the wonders of this earth, the feelings of our hearts, and to help us have love and joy.

Experiencing Increased Spirituality

With a focus on matriarchal spirituality, we can increase our spiritual practices to include more than what is traditionally offered at church. Here are some ideas of spiritual practices:

• Nurture and Care
  • Motherhood, homemaking, caring for children
  • Service, connection with others, listening, offering relief
• Nature
  • Connection, appreciation, and caring for the natural world
  • Gardening, spend time outdoors, adventures
• Beauty
  • Appreciating beautiful things
  • Creativity, art
  • Music, dancing
• Meditation
  • Solitude, peace, listening, reflection
  • Meaningful rituals, movement, energy flows

In the ideal family, there is both a devoted mother and father. In ideal spiritual practices, there are elements of organized religion, and the more personal and nurturing practices I’ve discussed here. In my own spiritual practices as a women, I find much strength from enjoying nature, helping others, and engaging in a personal way, ways that are not necessarily part of a organized religion, but just as important to my spiritual strength.

I was surprised when my child came home from a church activity that he didn’t hate skiing. He said he fell like 30 times. Trying new things often involves a lot of falling, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still fun and worth doing.

Religious Thoughts are below if you are interested. If you like the kid pictures and life updates more, I’ll try to remember to take more pictures by next week.

I was pondering the topic of fire from a spiritual perspective. The baptism of fire is joyous, but the wicked being burned by fire isn’t. God’s refining fire gets rid of anything evil. If I do not have anything righteous in my heart, that fire will consume me. But if I have righteousness in my heart, the fire is a cleansing act that brings forth my righteousness in more purity.

Also, we started to talk about a new curriculum that I had begun reading on my own. I really enjoyed it because it refocused on Jesus Christ. But during the lesson, we didn’t talk about Jesus at all! Instead, we talked about things like following inspiration and teaching doctrine, etc. I think it’s good to refocus: instead of following inspiration, how about following Jesus? And instead of teaching doctrine, why don’t we teach about Jesus? My religion, without Jesus, is no religion at all. Just a bunch of good advice that I could get somewhere else in a better form. Jesus is the core of religion, and I wish we would talk about Him more.

At church on Sunday, the lesson talked about how we can grow strong roots. The teacher had a picture of a tree with small roots and one with large roots.

Now, with a horticulture background, I started to think about what would cause a weak root system. The first thing I thought of is girdling roots. These occur when a tree starts out in a container. The roots are often forced to grow in a circle, without room to expand. If the tree is planted with these circling roots, instead of growing out, they continue to follow the original circular pattern. As the tree grows larger, the roots can actually girdle the tree and cause the tree to be unhealthy and even die.

I once saw a row of trees. All of them were planted in the same area with the same care, but several of them died over time in spite of being a good fit for the area. I suspected it might be a case of girdling roots. How do you prevent the problem? When you plant the tree, wash the roots off and prune back any growth in a circular pattern that could later girdle the tree. Although harder, you can also take care of the problem after planting by inspecting the roots next to the trunk of the tree.

There’s the horticulture lesson, here’s the life lesson.

I have girdling roots in my life. I have ways of thinking that worked when I was younger, but as I grow they become limiting and can suffocate me. If I want a strong root system, I need to inspect my roots and get rid of the ones that can girdle me. For me, these are things like relying on my own strength to do everything that needs to get done, instead of relying on God. It’s checking things off a to-do list instead of paying attention to what is really important in my life. It’s pride, and my favorite guilty pleasures, and all the times that I know better. Girdling roots aren’t foreign enemies: they are things on the inside that can still tear us down.

If I want a strong foundation, a strong root system, identifying how I can improve my thought patterns to rely more completely on God allows me to prune my root system and start growing roots that are healthy and larger.

If you want a bonus analogy, trees also grow poorly when planted in a lawn. The lawn competes with the tree, and the tree is stunted. Getting rid of the lawn around the roots of the tree allows the tree to grow taller. Distractions also crowd out spiritual growth.

The room was small.

I was a little late, and peered in. My son saved me a seat. But I didn’t go in immediately. Because there were a lot of people still waiting to get in. 

The man next to me said, “I think we can fit.”

I counted. 12 more people. Maybe enough seats?

I said, “There’s a lot of people still out here.”

Because there were probably others that would still be later. Others that wouldn’t want to sit with someone and couldn’t. Or others who would feel uncomfortable with the small space. We might have fit. But it was so tight that it would have been so easy to have someone excluded. 

I waited, worried…and then relieved. The person in charge gave the order. Everyone stood up, grabbed their chairs and moved to the other room. A big room with more space, more chairs to set up.

Everyone could be included. 

Do we sometimes try to fit people into places they might not comfortably fit? Fit people into our bias, stereotypes, schedules…

Maybe it’s time to stand up and move to a bigger room. So anyone that is late can still come. Anyone that needs more space can have it. Everyone will be included and no one will be listening from outside the door.

Let’s not squeeze people into stereotypes. Let’s free up time on schedules for unanticipated opportunities to connect with others. Let’s open up and make sure everyone has a place to belong and be included.

In a couple of books I was reading, two separate authors talked about growing up without a lot of money. They made their gifts, decorations in their homes, and did without a lot of normal thing. They still had a loving family, and mentioned that they found these times in their lives full of joy and didn’t mind the lack of material things.

A lot of things are easy to desire: wealth, indulging in pleasures, have an easy life and doing lazy things. But I know those things don’t really make me happy. I often hate how they make me feel. I played a game on my phone the other day because I was tired, and it was fun. But a couple of hours later, I felt more tired, depressed, and less in control of myself. I neglected more important things.

Other thing make me feel so much better. Working, helping others, spending time in nature, being creative, learning. Those things aren’t at all dependent on wealth: and sometimes without wealth we are forced into situations where we have to do them. I remember the homemade gifts I made for people when I didn’t have that much money to buy nice things. They meant a whole lot more.

Do I want to live in a home full of love, creativity, and work, even if it might be poor? Or a rich home full of nice things, even when devoid of the things that bring meaning? And if the answer is obvious, is that how I am actually living life?

We all have expectations. I use my expectations to guide my life and shape my experience. When we have expectations for our future, it helps us to grow and be better.

But I’ve been trapped and limited because of my expectations too. When I have expectations of my past, and these expectations weren’t met…I am miserable.

I’ve been holding on to past expectations for a long time, piling then up on top of each other and loading myself up with regret. I think about all the times I lost my temper with my children, the times I was shy or said something awkward, the times my children did not behave…all of these times where my expectations failed. And rather than accepting the past for what it was, I hold on wrongly thinking I can somehow change things.

I have no power to change the past, and by holding on to any expectation, I am setting myself up for misery. I am learning to let go of past expectations and accept everything for what it is. I have become lighter, happier to a greater depth than I have ever felt before.

For a while now, I feel like one of my biggest challenges is feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I’ve pondered why I’ve been led to this, and while studying the life of Christ, I wrote these words:

You must have confidence in yourself and lose your self-doubt and feeling of inadequacies. 

You can have confidence and self-worth because you are a daughter of God. God is in your life and He will not fail you! Have confidence in God, that as you strive to obey His commandments, He will be with you. 

Jesus Christ must not have had any self-doubt. If he did, would he be able to serve those around Him to such a degree as He did? He had full confidence in God the Father: He had learned of Him, talked with Him and developed a transcendent relationship. He knew God the Father had a plan, and that He would provide the way for Christ to fulfill the plan. His confidence was not in himself, but of the Divine Father. For Christ could fail, but more importantly, the plan provided a way for Him to succeed. He knew this. He knew if He put all trust in the Father, it would work out. 

Jesus had full confidence. And so He was not worried as the hour of His suffering was soon to come. He was able to fully love and serve those around Him because He knew God was in charge, and there was no reason to doubt. Even in sorrow, pain, God would provide a way to succeed. He provided the power Christ needed to overcome. 

God has and will provide a way for you to succeed! Your power comes through Him, and He is a perfect God who will not fail you. Trust in His promises, His scriptures, obey His commandments, and the way will be open for you. As you lose your self-doubt, you can also lose yourself in the service of others and perform the work you need to do.