I think how I feel after I do a task is much more important how I feel before. For instance, I often don’t feel like playing with my children. After I do play with them, I feel quite happy and I’m glad I took the extra time to show them how to cut out paper dolls and play war.

It was a rainy day. The lightning kept me awake last night. But luckily, it was sunny during soccer. Peter had all his grandparents there and goofed off all game.

We worked inside a bunch. Henry’s bedroom needs some Flor dots, and then it will be ready for furniture.

Tonight, we finally watched Star Wars. We like to keep up with current movies by waiting six months so we already know everything that happens in them.

Here’s my sister’s recounting of our trip to her house.

Today I: walked by the temple, went to preschool music time,  cleaned, ate lunch, folded laundry, edited photos, had a snack, planted seeds, went to the thrift store for bulletin boards and  time with Curtis. We had pizza for dinner (Joe makes it because he is better at it than I), and played a game with the family. Peter didn’t like it, but I think that had more to do with the not winning part. The game was pretty fun.

I love when children don’t follow the instructions. Art is never about following instructions, but creating new things.

I love to garden. In the morning. I’m lazy about it in the afternoon. Sometimes, timing is everything.

The afternoon is a good time to get projects done on the computer, like this presentation for a class I’m doing next week, and to go places.

We went to pick up some more chicken feed and came home with four very tiny eaters. They were too irresistible at the feed shop. There are two buff orpingtons and two that are some type of sex-link.

We had story time at the library. Our library is horribly strict for damaged books. If my toddler rips a board book (they are designed for toddlers) that was already damaged (which is why he managed to rip it), and I am open and honest about the incident, I don’t think I should have to pay the full replacement cost of the book.

After lunch, naps and budgeting, I headed up to the attic to tidy. I finished a couple hours and a huge box full of garbage later. Sort of finished. The storage closets in my attic are junk traps, and I still have a lot to go through.

I felt a little bit down in the morning. Whenever I do that, I just want to stop and give up. But when I push through and keep going, like I did today, the darkness does dissipate. It gets better. Sitting there and ruminating about it is a quick way to make it last longer.

The day was spent mostly cleaning and playing with my wonderful kids. We went on a bike ride to the park. I think it was the longest bike ride Peter has successfully made. Except he crashed right before we got home. It might take him a while before he gets back on the bike again.

Potty training my middle child is still going quite poorly. I attached a potty alarm to him today. It went off a lot. He’s been out of diapers for five months, potty training for far longer. I don’t need advice either: I’m quite well read on the subject. I can’t get Peter to try new foods and can’t get Curtis to potty train. Because with both things, there has to be effort and willingness from them. No matter how many things I can try, I can’t change them. I do hope and pray that they will grow up and get a bit better. And I still keep trying.

I felt a little slow. I woke up after some crazy dreams a bit dazed and it set the pace for the entire day. In the past, I tended to get mad at myself when days like this occur. I could make myself so upset that I wouldn’t actually get anything done at all.

Today I accepted that it would be a slow day. The day went fine, albeit a little bit slower than normal. I completed the tasks that I wanted to get done, I spend good time playing and working with my family. And when I found myself drifting toward distraction, even for quite a long period, when I caught myself I just stopped and went and used my time better. I consciously avoided beating myself up over a very small mistake.

It doesn’t help to be hard on myself. I have weaknesses and I make mistakes, and I don’t want to excuse them. But going back and reliving those mistakes, analyzing them to the point of anger, and beating myself up over often insignificant decisions is not a good way to live. Allowing myself to be human, weakness and all, and simply trying my best right now is freeing.

I think that is the gift that Christ gave me. He created a way so that I don’t have to live in the past, harrowed up by my sins and weakness. I can live now, I can enjoy a beautiful life and a bright future.