Sometimes I get discouraged with being a stay at home mom. The only person I am really accountable for what I do is myself…and God and my husband and children, but they tend to be more forgiving. I’m not very gentle or forgiving with myself, and sometimes I hold myself so accountable I spend the whole day beating myself down for not being perfect. Sometimes, I am a much worse mother than I ever thought I’d be. Motherhood brought more stress, lack of sleep and responsibility then I have ever dealt with before in my life, and it also brought coping/reactive mechanisms that are less than desirable.

Sometimes I am super happy I’m a stay at home. I get to choose what I do with more freedom than I ever have in my life. I can read books, go hiking, and garden and I get to share what I love with two very moldable people. I have more opportunities to go after what I love doing, improve myself, and serve other people. I have developed new interests, found friends, and most of all I get to be loved and love others more deeply than ever. I get to engage in a work that I know is meaningful every day, by nurturing and raising children.

Just a matter of perspective. I read in an article that a stay at home mother desired a child inclusive life, instead of a child centered one. If I constantly focus on my children, and our inadequacies, life isn’t grand. But if I’m focusing on a variety of interests, and I’m including my children in them, that’s when life is most beautiful. A good life is sitting outside and reading a new book while occasionally helping children move tires or acknowledging their latest sand building. It is going on a tiny hike and playing bear hunt on the way back down. 

I can choose to focus on what I’m supposed to be doing, on making life productive and perfect…or I can find playfulness and happiness in engaging in what my children and I love to do.