I have a confession to make: I am a smart aleck. I realized this the other day. I started an online class recently (on irrigation design and I love it). I commented on a post and just relished in the fact that I knew a lot. People have always thought I was smart. Sometimes it seems like I don’t even need to do anything smart, and people still think I am. I guess it is just part of my personality. I know that in some ways I actually am. School is one of those ways. The last B’s I ever got were in 8th grade Drama, and Plant Pathology the last semester in college. (I’m still kicking myself that I didn’t just take that class pass/fail. Than I would have gotten through college with all A’s. I could have even got an A in that class if I had bothered to apply myself.) School has always come easy to me.

I missed school, because I miss being really good at something. Motherhood and the business world don’t come as easy to me. Most of all it requires tons more patience and I’ve never been a patient person. Being good at school was wonderful. That’s the main point of life for the first couple decades and it was always something that no matter what else was going on (and I struggled at times socially) I was good at something.

Every phase of my life I’ve found a way to come out near the top. I remember starting out college, coming from high school where I was near the top of my class and very involved, and just feeling like I wanted to get more out of my college experience. Eventually all the experiences I wanted came: I was on good terms with my professors, did undergrad research (originally the thought behind that was grad school, but plans changed), worked several amazing jobs (UBC and Extension service rocked), had good friends, and even found a husband (which I did not expect but was absolutely delighted with). It didn’t happen when I wanted it to: it took some time to get there. My first couple semesters were frankly quite boring. But I took the opportunities as they came and I ended college back at the top.

Sometimes, as I struggle to connect with people (I’ve always struggled with that) and find my place in life right now, I need to remember that I’m still starting out. My business can succeed (garden help anyone?), I will figure out how to be a better mother, and I will feel accepted and loved in my community. Thinking back, I realize that I am marching in the right direction, and I have made improvement. It just takes hard word, looking for ways to help others, taking advantage of the opportunities that come, and most of all patience. Because I’m still the smart kid I’ve always been.